Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Apple: It's not the product that puts me off, its the people.

As a member of the tech community, I recently came into contact with a representative of Apple products.  The purpose of a representative of his nature is to drive product awareness and knowledge, to increase sales.  In my experience the typical interaction is pleasant...  A few questions about how their product is doing, what... if any, concerns you may have about the device(s), and a quick overview of the brand's highlights.

So why am I writing this?

With the Apple representative(and lets be clear... by no means am I surprised), there was not a moment of pleasantry, promotion, or mutual interaction.  For 30 minutes an interrogation ensued. "Why aren't you recommending the iPhone more? It makes you alot of money(and with the amount of back end Apple requires for the privilege of their device, my paycheck has decreased since its launch) ...tell me any objections you have."  Not that he was listening to any objections brought forth.  The smugness in the air was palpable and suffocating, leaving no room for conversation.  Question after question led to role-play situations where no individual but the "Apple"  himself was correct... No matter the topic. No matter the question.  No matter the answer.

After talking with a co-worker of mine for 10 minutes, the representative uncovered that, my colleague does not recommend the iPhone over other products to the "techy" group.  Post awkward silence, the rep asked my colleague to give his pitch to a tech savvy individual as to why other products were better.  The pitch was presented, valid points were stated, and in turn, the rep was asked to give his opposing pitch. Fair? Of course... we were open to his pitch and willing to let him persuade us.

30 seconds of silence later

     "I lost my train of thought."

Another 30 seconds passed.

     "I, uhhh, can't remember what I was going to say, give me a moment."

A final 30 seconds went by.

     "I don't know what to say, but I would love to speak with you at a later time about this topic.  If you would like to give me a call to set up a time when we can go over the specifics of what I would like to say, I would be happy to spend some time reviewing it with you."


For the entirety of our interaction to that point, this gentleman had ridiculed our every word, told us we were wrong, that we needed to do better promoting the most popular phone in the world, that no competing product we use or promote has a benefit to it, and continuously put us on the spot to explain our position.  And finally, after this exhausting and awkward exchange was over we replied in all fairness asking why his product was better...

NOT ONE WORD.  The same representative that KNEW all other products were inferior, could not mutter a single syllable as to why his product reigned supreme.  When asked in turn to do exactly what he asked of us, he froze.  A direct employee of Apple, paid to promote the features and advantages of their devices failed to come up with a compelling argument, or any argument at all.  The same man willing to attack any and all that did not sport an apple on the back, with examples that had little validity if any, had no response beyond  his products were "amazing."

I have no problem if you use a product because you like it.  If you bought something simply because you wanted it, even if it makes no sense to another.  But don't go out and trash every product similar to yours if you can't give a single explanation as to why those products are junk.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Dolla' Dolla' Bill Y'all




Lets us never forget, it is not free to manufacture the electronics we love.  So DEMANDING EVERYTHING BE FREE makes no sense right? Right.   At the end of the day you are dealing with businesses, and a business by necessity must make money.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Nerd!

Today we celebrate the inner Nerd in everyone.  Whoever said Nerds require glasses?  We all enjoy a touch of nerd, unless of course you frat  so hard that your double popped collar serves as a retaining wall for some higher calling of douche.

So get your Nerd on.  Go play a 4th grader in halo and tell him to "grow a pair" with your headset(don't even think about lying and telling me you've never done that), then talk it up with the love of your life, E-Girl (the one and only chick in your favorite Dragon Ball Z chat room). Or if that doesn't tickle your fancy; grab a big hunk of foam, some paint, and a razor blade to make one spectacularly realistic Darth Vader helmet to wear while you watch Star Wars.

NERD ON!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I love AUTOCORRECT!

Variety is the spice of life and why can't we enjoy the same joy on our mobiles? Believe you me... Yes. We. Can(Obama Style).  With the most random occurrences of glorious miscalculated typing ability comes the beauty that is Auto Correction.  Why not spruce up a boring "My sister's brisket was delicious" with a conversational "My sister's tits were delicious."  Raucous, crude, and hilarious!

For that we thank you, AUTOCORRECTION.

Monday, November 14, 2011

TASHTOSOIGFOOIMHAWESTLIASWPAWSAEUTKWTMOALHTAWWTSWTFIM

ThisAbbreviationShitHasToStopOrImGonnaFreakOutOnlineIMeanHowAreWeSupposedToLiveInASocietyWherePeopleAbbreviateWholeSentencesAndExpectUsToKnowWhatTheyMeanOrAtLeastHaveToAskWhoeverWroteTheSentenceWhatTheFuckItMeans

Monday, November 7, 2011

STFU!

"Theres no way! Becky did what???? Thats soooooo grosssssssss.... She shouldn't even try and fit into that.... Last time I saw her I was like, and she was alll..... ewwww."

Why do the most annoying people insist on talking at an unreasonable volume!?  We ALL know the ones.  Trying to enjoy a cup of Joe at the local Starbucks when Wendy Who the Fuck starts raaaaving about Becky and her big butt.  We dont care!!! Wendy... a normal volume would suffice, or maybe you should express your whiny voice via text message, drink your coffee and leave the rest of the world to peace =)


And lest we forget the public business deal.   Its all a secret between business partners in the news, but why must every man in a suit talk about they juicy details of their business nuances at max capacity?  "Bill there is no way we can pull that deal out of the ground!  The way Alex parades around with hookers in the media, the business is having trouble as it is!  Unless we can convince him that fake titties and high heels aren't sexy then we will never get Wall Street on board!"

Of course the Baskin Robbins... full of children, and loving parents... needs to hear all about Alex's addiction to the wonders of paid for by the pound boobies.

The government has started to require headsets in cars... Maybe we can petition for the "STFU You are annoying and talk way to loud whilst on your phone in public places limitation device!"

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Tab-let-down

"Just try it.  You'll love it I promise.  Its so much more convenient around the house and while traveling!"

Wise words of tablet flattery!  Oiy Ve.  The last two months of my life brought to test this theory that the laptop is dead.

Day 1:  To the couch we go! The T.V. is on and I'm happily downloading apps to my beautiful new Galaxy Tab 10.1.   The lovely display is complimented by the sleek looks and interactive touch screen.  Email? There's an app for that.  Facebook? an app!  Ebay?  an app! .............. Apps are just so damn exciting! (smiley face).

Day 2: Back at it.  Lets check my blog, see who's reading!?  Oops, the flash player didn't quite load right.  No sweat back to my apps, love em to death!

Day 3: Grab that tab! Why not see what the world has to say on Facebook.  loooooooaaaaddddding... but alas here we are.  "OMG did you see dancing with the starrrrs?"  Sweet, the worlds still the same!  Maybe someones on chat.  Oooops, chat doesnt work with this app.  No sweat. The touch screen is still cool.

Day 4:  Whats happening on the interwebs today? Choices...Choices...  Laptop come hither!

Why does everything on a tablet have the same convenience as a smartphone?  Simply put, the operating systems just aren't there yet.  Browsers are slow.  Apps don't support all the features.  Typing sucks. And the biggest draw for most people the games..... are either hard to play or boring after 30 minutes.(If you justified spending 600 and change for a tablet just to keeps the kids quiet in the car then... Yikes).   Not to mention the business aspect to these devices.  Do you really see yourself working on an excel spreadsheet with your tablet?  Good luck, grab a beer and hunker down its going to be a long frustrating while.  Maybe you want to take some notes in word... Sure can!  Type away at 10 WPM then get back to me, and don't even think about formatting those notes without your computer.  And yes you can play that PowerPoint, but try and make one with your lovely tabby.  That tablet is a glorified flash-drive if all your doing is using its hard drive. 

Yes the portability and battery life of the tablet has its advantages, but the features aren't there yet.  Games are short and boring, productivity is convenient only when your bored, and the price is ridiculous.  Each and every app that is advertised with deity status comes standard with most laptops for the same price or less.  And laptops are keeping up, battery life with ultra-portable laptops running fully featured operating systems are approaching double digits, for a slightly higher price than your coveted tablet.  Throw in all the adapter your need to meet that laptops connectivity, 1-5 dollars for most worthwhile apps you download, and we are in a dead heat.

Put the best tablet and a Macbook Air on a table side by side(and I hate Macs).  I'll take that Macbook any day of the week.